Being Brave

.I just heard a very interesting thing while watching “Princess Diaries” for the nth time.


Mia’s father, King something, gave her a bit of wisdom on her 16th birthday which I absolutely loved. He (King) said that “Courage is not simply the absence of fear, but the realization that there are more important things than fear.” Then he continued on with “The brave may not live for long, but the cowards never lived at all”. Wasn’t it just splendid? I want to have that tattooed on my shoulder someday.



Being brave, it’s like a very vivid dream. Where a person would sacrifice one of the greatest something in his life for someone to have a shot at their greatest something in his life. Have I done anything brave in my life? I mean, honestly, anything brave at all? Something like worth giving up? I know, I’ve given up quite a few of them in my life, but anything for the good of mankind? To be honest, I don’t think so. I’m trying to think of any significant sacrifices in my life and the only thing that keeps popping back into my life is when my mom and dad separated and I had to go to Baguio with mom. Even though I have a great life back home, I forced myself to leave everything in my old life and start anew. As you all know, I had a very tough time with the adjustment. Actually, the adjustment was manageable, the new environment was not. So through a “proper” rebellious time invested during secondary school, I’ve had my fill. That’s the closest thing, I think, to being me, brave and all. All for the person that I wanted to get to know back then. My mom.

Now, talk about braveness... It is Mom, personified. How can I say this? Even we don’t have heart to heart talks. So how can I say it? From that line alone “we don’t talk much”, but we know each other quite well. At least most of the time I think she knows me better than I know myself. Don’t forget that I am not afraid of my Mom. I’m actually more afraid of my brother and sister than my own parents. It’s my siblings I don’t want to disappoint more, not my parents. But one incident I keep recalling in my head made me think about disappointing my Mom unbearable. You see, I was having this T-O-U-G-H time with a “sacrifice” I had to make for the person I think I only ever loved in my entire life. So naturally, I was like burning hell inside. Literally. Have you ever felt like your insides were being pulled from you through your nose? Or just your finger, being struck with a hammer for 100 times every hour. Yes, that was my feeling back then. Now it’s only like twice a day. But I still get the physical pain when I think about “it”. Anywho, my mom was vacationing with my sister back then, when I had one of those “finger-hammer-hitting” moments. I got home from work, went straight to my room (I was living with mom then), threw my bag and just went crazy! I cleared my work table (computer monitor and all) with one sweep motion, turned my bed upside down, tore all the posters on my walls and just wailed like a child. My mom’s “partner” (who I just love to bits) kept banging on my door asking if I was okay. I just never got out of that room and fell asleep on the floor, near my overturned bed. Cried myself to sleep that night. The next day, I woke up, wasn’t feeling up to par to go to work (naturally) and just had orange juice and bread when I found the time to drag myself into the kitchen. And then back to my newly arranged room. It was like that for the next few days, like I did not even notice. I told uncle b. not to tell Mom, as not to get her worried while on vacation. But sure enough, my uncle couldn’t bear looking at me like that after some time so when I finally had the courage (loosely used) to go to work, and got back home, Mom was there. Acting like she did not know anything at first, really. But then after dinner and small talk, she asked me the questions. Slowly, one by one. Our conversation went down something like this:



Mom: So how are you?


Me: Fine, as usual.


Mom: Anything happened lately that I should know about?


Me: No, not really.


Mom: So are you okay, really okay?


Me: Yeah, nothing to worry about. No big deal.


Mom: Okay.



So after that awkward little thing, I thought it was finished and started fiddling with my dessert again while watching t.v. Then she did the loveliest thing imaginable. She got up and you know, just touched me on the shoulder and gave me a squeeze. She said “Everything is going to be alright. You are a brave girl, and I just know that it’s going to be fine.”... After that split second sentence, I couldn’t help myself and just held her hand as she was turning around and gave her a tug. I locked my arms around her waist (as I was sitting and she was standing) and cried... I cried. She kept stroking my hair asking me, but I couldn’t tell her. I wouldn’t put that burden on her shoulders. So I just kept on crying while she kept on stroking my hair. That was one of my fondest memories of my mother.



Braveness? It comes in big and small packages alike. When a person swallows her “fear” and disassociates herself with her feelings to allow one’s self to console another hurting human being. That is one brave thing she did for me. Aside from the everyday things she did, this memory is one I will take to my grave.
So from what I have watched in “Princess Diaries”, a little thing, strung together, goes a long long way.



:-) Ciao!