Empty

This is where I stand right now.

This is where I'll be.

This is my last battlefront.

This is my last plea.

Im sorry for everything.

For not being a friend when needed be

For closing my eyes when u couldn't see

For staying behind when the future seemed bleak

For truths I was not believing

Im sorry.

In those times when you needed me and I wasn't there

In those days when you felt cold and I didn't hug you

In those moments you felt alone

In those memories that faded away

Im really sorry.

Being understanding is hard work

I did not show you not even one ounce

Being a romantic

When you needed practicality

Being considerate of you feelings

I did not even bother to

Being a pretentious bitch

When I could've put your comfort first

Im sorry. Finally.

Empty.

Drained.

Disillusioned in the rudest fashion.

Hopeless.

Please Leave

Walk out the door. Save your conscience. And I will give you a free pass forever. I will not bear grudges I promise you. All I want now is peace. All I want now is myself. Clearly, I have not had ample time for this. If you want to justify what it is that you want me to understand, don't worry, I do. I really do. And if you mean it by heart what you are saying, then leave. Please. Leave.

How to Get Over a 140-day long Crush

Ha!

I said to myself, as he continued to point out all the things that he found wrong in me. In front of his friends, and jokingly, as he always stressed (of course)-asshole!

Suddenly, I found myself smack dab in the middle of a very big dilemma. As I looked at him, I did not find him as cute as before, and did not find his jokes funny no more. What's worst is that when I see him lately, I try so hard to look for the guy I fell in love with. But no, nada, kaput, nothing! Glimpses I can see, but in this day and age, you cannot always rely on what you see.

So I made a tiny conclusion when I found the answer I've been looking for. Am I still in love with him? Or is this a 140-day crush so LOOOOONNNG overdue to end.

So I tried long and hard to think about it and this is what I've come up with. (Instead of hanging myself, which would be such a waste!)

HOW TO GET OVER A 7 Month Old CRUSH with an Effing Dickhead!

1.) Try to imagine him actually hanging himself!

-I admit, this has nothing to do with anything, It's just so damn funny seeing him trying to figure out how NOT to look ugly whilst doing this. (hahaha)

2.) Find a guy to focus your energy into. Might I add, a guy YOU CANNOT HOOK UP WITH!

-Why? Simple physics really. When you have so much energy for the greatly destructive, you focus it on someone else. Why the unattainable? Because try to remember, it IS just a crush! No need to obssess about it.

3.) Keep busy.

-any heartbreak can be cured by just totally IGNORING IT!!! Burying yourself in your work. I'm not saying forever, just some time till you get that promotion and buy yourself a makeover and THEN flirt.

4.) Plot a seriously SAVAGE REVENGE

-Just tying him to a tree naked, letting ants chew on his f@^*)(@?!!!g face, then letting the girls watch him as his ---- cowers into a corner! Ha!

5.) Cry. And then MOVE ON!

-Easier said than done I know, but still, we can try to figure it out. Piece by piece, day by day, tears eventually dry up. So please keep this in mind... It WILL GET EASIER!!!!!!!!

So there, a very basic 5 step program I am personally following. I hope this works for me, for you and for anybody who has been screwed so hard, we honestly cannot believe that we looked like IDIOTS!!!!

Ciao bella!

goodbye

It's about time to go

It's evening and I have to catch the plane

I waited for you till it was almost dawn

Yet you were not here

You were not here

I called you 3 times on the telephone

No wonder it was switched off, I should have known

I thought we had this conversation

Wait, the kettle is boiling, I have to turn it off

Time for coffee, nerves are taking over me

I waited

To say goodbye to you

Ran my fingers across the bed

That once craddled two

I waited

To kiss you one last time

I wanted to say

I\m sorry, I really did try

Pissed

Not one smile for me the entire day

And yet you wait for someone else, call her, smile at her.

I never treated you badly,

Now I think about it.

Not as much as you treat me.

I just believed there was a good man inside.

Just remember

In your pious ways

WHAT YOU DO TO OTHERS

WILL COME BACK TO YOU TENFOLD.

Its so hard to admit, but I was wrong.

Only one smile would have been enough

Its not only you who's having a shitty day

We are here for each other arent we?

But I suppose not.

Find happiness on your own

Neglect the people who have continually cared and loved you

Have supported you

Given you all they can.

Even if that means forsaking and postponing their own.

You are just not the man I thought you were.

Its nothing much, and will never mean anything in your life.

But I guess time will tell

When you are alone, sad and unable to bear it.

People who only truly love you

AND PEOPLE WHO YOU LET IN YOUR RIGID HEART

are the only ones who can get you

Not only family you need in your life.

You need other perspectives

And just pray that when the time comes

When you realize

Those who truly cared for you

YOU JUST SCREWED

I hope

You will not live to feel the regret of the day

A little excerpt.

About Me:

I am:

-My mother's daughter
:in terms of courage and heart
-My dad's youngest kid
:in terms of childishness and ambition
-My sister's sibling
:in terms of falling in love and being frank
-My brother's sibling
:in terms of a broad mind and a deep understanding of life
-My nephew's and niece's aunt
:in terms of coolness and availability
-My friend's enemies
:in terms of tactics and spiels
-My friend's little big kid
:in terms of naiveness and dreams
-My friend's most cherished person
:in terms of loyalty and commitment
-My boyfriend's worst nightmare
:in terms of harshness and anger
-My boyfriend's angel
:in terms of love and undivided attention
-My shadow's darkness
:in terms of past and present
-My shadow's light
:in terms of the future

I used to:
-swim regularly
-cook everyday
-paint
-read books
-watch movies every weekend
-sleep till my back ached
-work hard
-sing to my heart's content
-dance till my legs hurt
-hug him everyday
-kiss my nephews and nieces
-take my medicine daily
-go to the gym
-be obsessed with shoes
-love Chad Micheal Murray
-be gullible
-dream

Now I:
-still read a LOT of books
-dine out
-sleep so lightly
-work the hardest
-dream the fantastic dreams
-realize that truth neither hurts nor makes a difference
-smile a lot
-speak less
-keep my friends in a tight circle
-keep my secrets
-dont sing and dance anymore
-booze and smoke less frequently
-still obsessed with shoes and bags
-love Gossip Girl
-shut my heart out.

I miss:
-being in my own room
-having peace
-watching tv
-my nephews and nieces
-mocha frap at sm baguio
-tagalog songs
-being hugged everyday
-homecooked meals
-rain
-smell of freshly cut grass
-my dogs
-having a car
-riding a bike
-laughing
-my mom.

I would like to:
-be selfish
-send money regularly
-have peace
-healthy
-fulfill all my and my family's dreams
-rent a nice room here
-get internet connection at home
-walk in the rain
-kiss in public
-see my mom.
-smell my nephews and nieces
-tell mitchell everything will be alright
-tell my sister and brother and grandma i love them so much
-go back to school
-see you
-finish at least one of my novels
-paint again
-write a song
-make you all proud
-fall in love again.
-die peacefully

Who I Want to Meet:

try ko english ha, try lang:
who i want to meet:
-nobody

who i hang out with--
people who are:
-self absorbed, but make a difference in the world
-stuck up nosy sons-of-bitches but care enough to say the truth
-two-timing sluts and whores who know what a compromise means
-sloshed and drugged out people who dont blame anybody of their misfortunes
-freaky life-of the party homos who know when to say no
-unpretentious bastards who love to LOVE life and live it to its fullest, till its time to go to bed
-coffee,cigarette and gossip loving people who know will spend their last centavo on those two things
-PEOPLE WHO DONT PRETEND TO BE VIRTUES-INCARNATE and spend their time minding their own f*#@!ing business instead of pointing at others

UN.

Such and Such

Such were expectations quite a few I had. Beach thing? Sooooo looking forward to it. Spending time, like a whole entire night with you? Uninterrupted? We DO not live in a perfect world such as yesterday.

Such that it was soooo sucky, (except for seeing the fantastic but overly embellished concrete jungle that is JBR (Jumeirah Beach residences, where I might add, a studio alone could cost a minimum of 90,000 AED per annum--almost 1000000 pesos!) well, not that sucky. My fantastic roomies at Villa 45, Room 2 (regards to ate aiza, ginny, liezel and geraldine) for dolling me up with a fantastic short SHORT dress, then meeting my present Indian family to play pool (in 3 1/2 heels, I won) , then heading over to Mr. Yusuf's place (to badger me, joking thing!) then driving around, then picking up Alma and Aileen, JBR thing, finally heading home at (guess?) 5.30am. Seriously sucky though, Yusuf not wanting to go to Fujeirah beach. Making all these things about stuff.... saying basically (I dont want to say!)..... :)

He gave his opinion though, and a flash of boyfriend material came slightly with the breeze. He offered still to take me to FB by bus! So sweet.!

anywho.

The most amazing thing is, he went home and slept here, with me.!

Isn't funny though, when you've got something good, that such and such thigns would arise and will try to send it spiralling down to never neverland.

Waking up after only 2 hours of sleep is a little disorienting. Until you see someone beside you looking so completely gratituous! Anyway...

After all the dramz and shitz that went down, we went to (my second) favorite mall in UAE, the MERCATO. Went to watch (ha!) Watchmen. Such and such we went home, just looking so totally devoid of emotion!

For an explaination of our vague cluelessness check it out here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Watchmen_(film)

for an (almost) explaination.

After that, my thing went home, back to the dramz.

Such and such, expectations are sometimes overrated, esp. for me. Sometimes it's better to sit back and just enjoy the moment.