come on

i havent written you, so much so that in the last few days that i feel that i was lost...without my writing. i have been bedridden, and sick to my stomach for not eating. i havent figured out why was i not able to digest physically beautiful food that was brought before me... dont worry, i am slowly coming back to life, learning to appreciate the medium rare porkchops and the really nice cold coke. still learning though, to put my heart back in that sicksick black bitch's garbage bag and not wear it in my sleeves.

sometimes i get so easily choked up, thinking how lonely, how alone and how sad i feel. life sucks when i try too hard, try too damn hard. IT SUCKS!

i was at the office, after a good hard day's work, singing my heart out so that the (iceberg lettuce) tension will melt away...then, i had this brilliant (idiotic really) light bulb moment to fall into that abyss again...to reminisce about the times ive spent NOT being alone, ergo HAVING someone to cuddle with. I was looking directly at that bastard....i cant believe how stupid i am...

sometimes we think that, hell yeah, we were good together so fight for him, BUT HOW CAN YOU FIGHT FOR SOMEONE WHO DOESNT WANT TO BE FOUGHT FOR???????? sometimes we think it gonna be okay BUT IT STILL ISN'T...AND WHEN WILL IT BE OKAY????????? cause im kindda getting tired of waking up shitty. and when sometimes, we think, hell, we can still be friends... WHAT??? HOW CAN YOU BE FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE WHO YOU PREVIOUSLY F&#!*$d? AND WHO IS CURRENTLY f*$#$@*!qg SOMEONE NEW? HOW ? PLEASEEE TELL ME!

And i know, nobody gives a damn about this blog...but i do. so thats enough justification to pollute cyberspace with my ranting about being...
RIDICULOUSLY SINGLE!

my latest creations

so a part of my life

is like a moving blank canvass

so its like my page in a book

is the footnote

of my life

all in black

nothing glowing in white

nobody to witness

no color

to caress

my life is the channel

where everyone could

see

the nearness of no being

the serene silence of

me

my life is no more portraits

of hollow existence

shadowless suns without a flare

to which the ruined plains

are shown in

utmost

despair


forever binding

my words so spoken

so ever melancholy

and lest it be

never forgotten

never remembered

revered