Lost

I have loved only two people in my life, one is B and the other is you.

And with that, I lost both of you.

I try to imagine what I could have done differently, maybe I shouldn't have gotten in that bus, maybe I shoul have just shut up that day, or maybe I should have just sat there a little longer. The more I think about it, the more painful it gets. To think that I might have done something, anything, to not loose you.

I'm rambling I know. I'm downing brandy today, because the ringing in my ears won't stop. Because my heartbeats are painful everytime they realize that your not in sync with my heart anymore.

I do know what needs to be done. I do know what needs to be said and heard and advised. I have the map. And yet I still feel lost.


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Today

From the tons of books I've read, from the pages of diaries I've kept, from the movies I've eagerly anticipated to the music that I excessively drank, its kindda difficult to separate true feelings to make believe. Most of the times, I look at my life like a tv series, a successful soap opera full of twists and turns that when it becomes a bit repetitive and boring, something happens. I've contemplated on my past decisions and yet still keep repeating the same mistake over and over again.
My mom and dad, when they were still together, were in my eyes, angels. After sunday church (these are the memories I can remember), we'd go to jollibee and eat. Afterwards, we'd go to Bundalian (a stationary store) to get my set of stationaries ( I used to collect them). Then we would go visit my lola who owned a shoe store and I'd eat shaved ice and coconut on the steps outside. I was happy. I think all kids can find happiness in little pleasures...
Then my parents separated and my world came crashing down.
I've always thought that if they didn't, that I would be a totally different person today. I'd be more sophisticated, I wouldve kept my old friends, I probably would have been married by now, with kids, a life totally different from what I have today...
(To be continued-- too sad today)
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Thinking

Can't sleep. Again.

I stared at my white ceiling with its circular shaped luminaires, the brushed stainless steel edging faintly glowing with the lamp I have on while I was reading Audrey Niffenegger's Her Fearful Symmetry. Cluthing Osso Bear and Dugong (my stuffed bear and seal) by my side, I feel almost safe and at ease. Everything that I have either in my bed (newly changed sheets; zebra-printed wool blanket on top of my chocolate colored covered mattress, 4 white pillows, 3 brown ones, a very cozy black comforter and my stuffed animals) or me, whose hair is still damp from the lovely bath I had, all should contribute to my moment of rest. I even have an Amuin linen spray in Lavander to help me ease into a state of dreaminess (as the lady in Beauty Bay said) but to no avail. Couldn't help it thoughN after this point, there's only so much a person could do so that she can sleep.

Probably owing to the tiring deal of wanting to sleep a little early today (its 12.35am here in Dubai) is the fact that I've been stressed and pissed off today. I had a "trailing-mail fight" with one of my seniors, who, in fact, just sent me a lousy e-mail at 10.33pm today (last night, technically).

As I continue to stare, my mind wanted to feel more irritated so I started to ponder on flashbacks. What happened to my life? What mistakes did I do?

And then, it suddenly hit me. I'm already feeling shitty, and instead of dwelling on my regrets, why not make the most of my blessings. Sure, I've had a very unusually tiring day, but that doesn't mean ill have a bad day again tom. Its up to me really, to just finish what I start and move on to the next phase. isn't this life as we know it?

Thank God I'm sleepy now.

Journals really help.

Ciao bello!
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Test Shot

Hala naloko na! Nawili.

Test post with image.


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Today

I promised myself nuon pa na I'd blog regularly... I'm the type of person who has soooo much on her mind at hindi mapakali. Sometimes I get these thoughts as fluid as water and I want to retain them, kaso I am so tamad writing. Thank God I have a new device, to which I am greatful, kasi anytime I can just chatter away in this small private world that I call my own, na kahit ano isulat ko okay lang. Its mine, and in truth, this is my heart.

A lot happened today, but no use in dwelling in the past when I'm not wallowing in my sea of self-pity today. For now, I'm just lying down on bed, nakabungisngis kasi I can type my thoughts sa new Blackberry8900. Saya ko lang talaga.

Worth the investment.

ciao bello!
Mhykie
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Testing blackberry to blogger so that I can update my blog regularly
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Sometimes

Dear You,

Hindi ko kasi maintindihan, takot ako. Pinagdaanan ko na lahat ito dati at sinumpa ko na hinding hindi na mangyayari ulit sa akin ito. Although alam ko na ganun ang sitwasyon nya, bukas mata kong pinasok, knowing eventually na maghihiwalay rin kasi. It was the happiest 2 years of my life, simple lang pero napakasaya.

Ako ang nakipaghiwalay, kasi dadating na girlfriend nya. Yung mga araw na yun, leading up to that day, halos hindi namin bitawan ang isat-isa. Lahat ng mga "kunwaring pangarap" namin naglalaho na isa isa. Dumating din ang araw na yun, and as i watched him pick up his last bag and walk down the stairs through the door, nanlambot ako, ni hindi ko nagawang tawagin siya ulit at yakapin for the last time.

Sabi ko sa sarili ko, sige, life goes on.... so after mawala sa ulirat ng isang taon, i started to rebuild my life again. Keeping his memory, our memories in my heart. Everyday they sustain me, at nung nagkaboyfriend ulit ako, alam nya (ung bagong bf) kung gaano ko kamahal (ung ex ko).

Nag tyaga naman siya sa akin, eventually, naging masiyahin ulit ako. Kaso there was always something missing in us. Yung "passion", yung "kilig", yung feeling na sobra kang excited na makita siya. Our conversations were down to formalities, he doesn't even know half of what you know. Hindi nya naririnig ang frustrations, and desires, ang longing at joy. I guess, kasalanan ko na rin yun. Kasi matagal na itong hang-over ko dun sa guy who broke my heart... He really did break my heart. Or should I say I did.

Tapos, you came along. Made me aware na "huy, buhay pa pala ako!". Kasi ako naniniwala (because of my very loving and strong Mom) na you have to find your happiness. The one that makes you wake up everyday knowing na meron something special for you that God has planned. Little things, mga hi's and hello's, masarap na kape, mainit na yakap sa kaibigan... everything has a course. Yung mga bagay na hindi ko akalain na mararamdaman ko pa, naramdaman ko ulit. The giggling, the staying up late, yung mga bagay na sa akin importante. Friendship, respect, attention, care and understanding. It also helped na very in control ka sa buhay mo, lalo na sa trabaho mo. Sobrang proud ako pag dating duon.

Walang conclusion ang letter na ito. Just know na hindi ko sinasadya, hindi natin pinlano, pero hinahayaan nating mangyari. Masaya ulit ako, nagbubuo ulit ng mga pangarap. Alam ko eventually, masisira rin ang mga un. But for the time being, I can hold on to it. To make me feel whole.

Hope you will always be there to take care of me.

I need it. I need you. I want this.

xoxo

Ikaw at Ang Ako

Ganito ba talaga

Ang hirap maintindihan

Para akong nasa dagat

Lumulutang

Walang pinatutunguhan

Ngunit may pinaroroonan

Hindi ko maintindihan

ANg ninanais ng isipan

Sa sandaling sumaglit ka sa akin

Nakapako

Naloloko sa kakaisip

Laman ng damdamin ko

Naguguhong mga bato

Mabibigat, malalaki, matitibay

Ngunit pag may dumamping hangin na kinasasaklawan mo

Eto na

Gumuguho

Sa tagal ko rito

Wala na akong naramdaman

Nagmanhid na ang mga ugat sa kamay

Nangalay na ang mga paa sa kakalakad

Sa daang walang hangganan

Dumating ka

Nagbigay ng sapat na kalinga

Sa mga sugat ng mata
Sa katahimikan ng buhay

Sa ilalim ng dagat

Ngayon

Naguguluhan

Saan nga ba manantili ang tulad ko

Sa landas ng mga pinatutunguhan

O sa aking paroroonan

Published on 8/21/2007 under Places
By 2010 --the year Dubai's known oil reserves will most likely be tapped out--, prince Sheikh Mohammed Bin Rashid Al Maktoum is expecting to attract 15 million tourists. Here's how.

http://dubayy.com/attractions/mall-of-the-emirates/mall-of-the-emirates3.jpg

Ski Dubai, which is already open, is claimed to be the largest indoor ski resorts in the world, with 22,500-square metres of indoor ski area. It is a part of the Mall of the Emirates, which is one of the largest malls in the world.
An extremely efficient insulation system is the key to maintain the temperature of -1 degrees Celsius during the day and -6 degrees during the night when the snow is produced.

http://www.realestatewebmasters.com/blogs/uploads/dubai-mall.jpg

The Dubai Mall claims to be the largest mall in the world when completed. It will cover a total area of more than 12 million ft2, with 10 - 15 individual smaller malls built inside it, consisting of 9 million ft2 of shopping retail space (comprising of a total of more than 1000 stores). Featured attractions include the world's largest gold souk; the 850,000 ft2 Fashion Island; one of the world's largest aquariums; an Olympic-sized ice skating rink; Oasis Fountain Waterfall; WaterFront Atrium; a view of the (soon to be completed) world's tallest building, Burj Dubai. The mall has already won five awards. It won two awards at the Retail Future Project Awards at MAPIC, Cannes, in 2004, for Best Retail Development Scheme (Large), Best Use of Lighting in a Retail Environment. And the Dubai Mall brochure has won three awards at the Summit Creative Awards 2005, in Portland, Oregon; Gold award for Best Art Direction / Graphic Design, Silver award for Best 4-colour B2B Brochure, and Judges Special Recognition award. The mall is being built by a Joint Venture of Dutco Balfour Beatty and AGCCC for client Emaar Properties and was scheduled to be completed in 2006, claiming to be the size of 50 "international-sized football(soccer) pitches". It is now expected to be completed in 2008.

http://www.homesdubai.com/images/dubai-project-the-world.jpg

Ever wish the world was smaller? The World is a man-made archipelago of 300 islands in the shape of a world map. The World is being built primarily using sand dredged from the sea. Each island ranges from 23,000 m2 to 84,000 m2 (250,000–900,000 square feet or 5.7–21 acres) in size, with 50–100 m of water between each island. The development will cover an area of 9 km in length and 6 km in width, surrounded by an oval breakwater. The only means of transport between the islands will be by boat and helicopter. Prices for the islands will range from $15-45 million (USD). The average price for an island will be around $25 million (USD). Dredging started in 2004 and as of March of 2007 The World is around 90% complete. According to the National Geographic Channel (The Best of Megastructures) the overall price for the World is $14 Billion US Dollars.

http://simplyjessica.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/hydropolis-dubai-atnight.jpg

Hydropolis, the world's first underwater luxury resort, brings new meaning to the "ocean-view room." Situated 66 feet below the surface of the Persian Gulf, Hydropolis will feature 220 guest suites. Reinforced by concrete and steel, its Plexiglas walls and bubble-shaped dome ceilings offer sights of fish and other sea creatures. It's scheduled to open in 2009.

http://thedubailand.com/yahoo_site_admin/assets/images/dubailand-arial.356132906_std.jpg

Dubailand is to be the largest amusement park collection in the world. Twice the size of Disney World, it is expected to be a full featured city divided into six theme worlds:
Attractions & Experience World 13 km2 (5.2 mile2)
Universal Studios Dubai
Tiger Woods Dubai
Bawadi
Global Village
Kids City
Giants World
Water Parks
Aquadunya
Dubai Snowdome, an indoor ski resort.
Retail and Entertainment World 4 km2 (1.6 mile2)
Flea Market
World Trade Park
Auction World
Factory Outlets
Sports and Outdoor World 19 km2 (7.4 mile2)
Dubai Sports City
Emerat Sports World
Plantation Equestrian and Polo Club
Dubai Autodrome
Dubai Golf City
Themed Leisure and Vacation World 29 km2 (11.2 mile2)
Women's World
Destination Dubai
Desert Kingdom
Andalusian Resort and Spa
Eco-Tourism World 75 km2 (28.9 mile2)
Al Sahra Desert Resort
Sand Dune Hotel
Al Kaheel
Downtown 1.8 km2 (0.7 mile2)
Mall of Arabia, which will be the world's largest shopping mall
City Walk
The Great Dubai Wheel, which will be the world's 2nd largest observation wheel after Shanghai Kiss
Virtual Game World

Burj Dubai: world's tallest building

http://images.businessweek.com/ss/06/03/dubai/image/1burj-dubai.jpg

The Burj Dubai will be the world's tallest building when it opens in 2009. The building is part of a 2 km2 (0.8 sq mi) development called 'Downtown Dubai' and is located at the "First Interchange" along Sheikh Zayed Road at Doha Street. The building was designed by Adrian Smith before he left Skidmore, Owings and Merrill LLP (SOM) of Chicago to start his own independent practice, Adrian Smith + Gordon Gill Architecture in October 2006.[3] SOM continues to lead the architectural, structural engineering and mechanical engineering of the Burj Dubai. The total budget for the Burj Dubai project is about $4 billion US dollars and for the entire new 'Downtown Dubai', $20 billion US Dollars.

Its shape is inspired by the indigenous desert flowers that often appear as decorative patterns in Islamic architecture, but it also has an engineering purpose: The swirl shape ensures that the mass of the structure lessens as it reaches the top, making the structure steadier. A mixed-use building developed by Dubai's Emaar Properties, the Burj Dubai will house shops, offices, residences, and entertainment venues.

Palm Islands: palm-shaped man-made island

http://environmentalgeography.files.wordpress.com/2007/02/good-palm-island.jpg

The Palm Islands in Dubai are the three largest artificial islands in the world. They are being constructed by Nakheel Properties, a property developer in the United Arab Emirates, who hired the Dutch dredging and marine contractor Van Oord, one of the world's specialists in land reclamation. The islands are The Palm Jumeirah, The Palm Jebel Ali and The Palm Deira. The Islands are located off the coast of The United Arab Emirates in the Persian Gulf and will add 520 km of beaches to the city of Dubai.
The first two islands will comprise approximately 100 million cubic meters of rock and sand. Palm Deira will be composed of approximately 1 billion cubic meters of rock and sand. All materials will be quarried in the UAE. Between the three islands there will be over 100 luxury hotels, exclusive residential beach side villas and apartments, marinas, water theme parks, restaurants, shopping malls, sports facilities and health spas. The creation of The Palm Jumeirah began in June 2001. Shortly after, The Palm Jebel Ali was announced and reclamation work began. In 2004, The Palm Deira, which will be almost as large in size as Paris, was announced. Palm Jumeirah is currently open for development. Construction will be completed over the next 10-15 years.