UHHHHHHH

Just watched shrek 3.... With mom, ub, hubs and mimin. God, for 5 hundred pesos, i really didnt feel the love there.

One and a half hour? and like, it's pointless. Baby screen times (Shrek and Fiona's of course) were limited to about 10 minutes... Justine Timberlake (with whom i was so curious about) didnt come on strong. In fact, "Arty" could have been voiced over by any lame boy and i would have bought it. His voice, it's like, weird you know. Whenever he sings, I listen, but ewww, the voice.... like a debutante. BWahhahahaha

SO SO looking forward to seeing pirates tomorrow! i hear its great.... cant wait to bust bucks again (hay naku, hirap talaga ng buhay manuod lang ng sine, ang mahal!)

anyway...Look at dominique, my brother's baby girl... growing up to be such a lovely girl...

Also, the other day, hubs, dom and me got a chance to play catch-up on our chismis. over a couple bottles of rh and sml, and a bar full of eager wanna be singers (including us), we had a blast. Busted myths about ricky and the others, heheh, tol dami na kaming dirt about you guys! Kelan akyat nyo mga ungas? Enrolment nyo na huy!

see yah!

i know...i know...

well im so sad today my heart beating hurts!


i just eats me up, this loneliness. sometimes, i wish i could just lay down in bed and drown in my pillows. i get like this, i dont know, about 3 times a day. when im laughing out my sorrows, sometimes i just stop and think, why do i even bother? why do i even bother waking up, showering, putting on my clothes and stepping out of my house... really. why do i?





i get so messed up sometimes...not really thinking but when you pop into my head, i get all fuzzed up.





what do i do?

here i am, after church, enjoying what is little left of my sanity. my faith is strong, but my heart isn't. my coffee and usual sunday paper is what keeps me from jumping into on coming traffic after church.

i pray, not that you'd care, but i pray that whatever HE has intended for me, let it be known in my heart. i want the pain to stop, but to stop only when i learned something from it. i guess i havent learned anything yet because it still hurts like yesterday. like when i saw you walk away. like when i saw that sad look in your eyes telling me that it has to be this way. why does it always have to be this way?





you know you could just, i dont know, just love me. just love me for once. love me like i am not in competition with anyone. love me like im the only girl your heart desires. love me like you truly do.

i know im a dumb son-of-a-b@!$#*.

be cool

its official... I SUCK!

i dont know what the HELL is wrong with me! I can't even stay 50 meters away!
SHIT!

and what makes my day worst, i just got off from church!!!!!!!

anyway...

i just want to get this on R-E-C-O-R-D...

i will try to be a fighting temptaion member from now on!
the lead perhaps!?

LATER!

sa sinehan watching spidey... what were we grinning about? the really really nice summer movies we plan to watch (simpsons, pirates of course, shrek, transformers, mimsy, dami pa na nakalimutan ko na...maaalala ko din ulit)

after watching...

my bois pa rin....

ayan ung artista namin... shy type... could you guess?

kung sino siya?

ah wala eto sa bahay nakatambay...

eto sabog sa trabaho, nakahiga sa maliit na banko, nakikipag harutan at kwentuhan ke benedict (in short, nag rerelax)

eto si panget, saktong tumatawa...

un lang ngayong linggo... bukas malamang shot kina ricky...

see you tomorrow!!!

screaming infidelities (a song from ryan p.)

Screaming Infidelities Lyrics » Dashboard Confessional
I'm missing your bed
I never sleep
Avoiding the spots
where we'd have to speak,
And this bottle of beast
Is taking me home

[1.]I'm cuddling close
To blankets and sheets
But you're not alone,
and you're not discreet
Make sure I know
who's taking you home.
I'm reading your note over again
There's not a word that I comprehend,
Except when you signed it
"I will love you always and forever."

[2.]Well As for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs
And sit alone and wonder
How you're making out
But as for me,
I wish that I were anywhere
with anyone
Making out.

I'm missing your laugh
How did it break?
And when did your eyes begin to look fake?
I hope you're as happy as you 're pretending.

[1.]I am aloneIn my defeat
I wish I knew you were safely at home
I'm missing your bed
I never sleep
Avoiding the spots where we'd have speak,
and This bottle of beast is taking me home.

[2.]Your hair, it's everywhere.
Screaming infidelities
And taking its wear

missing my blog

havent had the chance to write the last couple of days... spent my days at work and my nights with friends...

its funny how i sometimes wonder where id be if i dont write about stuff... ive been writing since i can remember, secretly of course. whenever my brother and i had a fight, i would write something nasty about him and hide it behind the picture of mama mary in our room. whenever my dad went away id write something to keep myself from crying and hide it under the mattress of my bed. when i met someone new, id jot down a couple of freaky things about him/her and keep it hidden in my notebook. whenever i visited some great spot in a great place, id make a note and save it...

i have a whole box full of notes and things and what-nots that ive written over the past couple of years. i keep it to myself though. although some poems make their way past my hands and into the hands of friends that need a "loveletter" for someone. but usually, i keep it to myself.

what i have here is my notebook for 2007. i had this for free from goldilocks when we bought cake in tarlac for new years eve (at benedict's house). we bought the only cake available (since it was closing time na 7:00pm), a mocha roll, with kuya ryan and didick.

i hope you have a little notebook that could help you a lot, whether to remember a particular song, or a place to come back to, or just to write what you need to get out of your system, but are otherwise afraid to.

so there it is, when my server is down, i write it the old fashion way!, in a notebook...

WATCHED SPIDERMAN WITH FRIENDS MARK, DON, BENEDICT, RICKY, RYAN P. AND JANE, ricky's special someone (yahoooo!!!)

bapa ricky...laging maaasahan...

thank you for always being there for me. i so so so appreciate the fact that whenever i need someone to talk to, and listen and drink with, atchu ka. (at si harold)

birthday ko yan... kami kami lang sa bahay ni bapa ricky

tarzan (x) and jane

this is the only person i know (excluding family) that bapa ricky travel to tarlac and leave his friends while drinking! hehehe joke

mimwa ne kanyan ing asu pag ikit neh!

01 may 07

my day today

so hell yeah, its the day after my birthday! and what am i doing?! nursing a headache from drowning my sorrows in a bottle and writing...should still be partying right? fucking boring my life is...

i have a friend with me today, karen, who will sleep here...kasi i wanted her here with me. im not going to drink tonight so im afraid of my own safety. might go insane thinking kaya needed someone to think with...

as you all know, recently, is ive been going through the worst days (weeks) of my life. i feel so alone, so alone in fact that i have to drink before i go to sleep because i could not sleep if im not drunk...takot na nga me baka alkoholik na ako.

ive been trying to cheer myself up naman. you know, like going out with friends, trying to catch up on things that i missed...and reading quite a lot these days. but i dont know, i feel that im just fooling myself. i cant even cry without the juice on me. its like pag normal days, i carry the weight of a ten ton truck in my heart and i cant get it off... i really need help before i kill myself.

It's like what time??? 1-am. And on a working day! After such a HARD HARD day at work and I'm still up?
What's keeping me up?

Thinking about a bastard and a fucking idiot like you.

Am i such an ass or what?

well how sad it is to love someone you cant have...
no words could ever express how PAINFUL it is.
to let go of someone
because
you know you HAVE to
but DONT want to
but of course
you want to be as gracious about it as possible
even though you want to shout out
na
PU^%&^#$N()*^IN87%
i EARNED my right to fight for you
pero wala namang ganun di ba
because if you love someone
as CLICHE as it may sound
it is best if
you let things flow
and never force anything
because in the end
if its not meant for you today
IT NEVER WAS ANYWAY.

February 03, 2007
in mga pinag iisipan sa araw-araw
so grabe
the end of my new (old na) beginning is about to come to a furious halt. as im with charlize for the past few days, i couldnt help but notice how lonely she feels.... malapit na kaming hindi magkita. her dad is going to come get her tomorrow. so tonight, amidst the freezing (as in 9 deg) cold, we are going out for one last stroll. this goddam motorbike is so freaking close to my heart can't bear not to see her...or her dad....

February 03, 2007
in my day today
happy reunion
let me tell you a secretthat only you can understandill tell it to you first handthings will get sad
i met myselfone lonely autumn's dayfrom my morning walk in a placenot so very far away
i met myself cryingfeeling so damn depressedi asked myself whyand i think you know the rest
i told myself to let it gothat thing that's bothering me soi nod my head in replybut my heart just cant lie
i try so hardeverydaytrying not to miss youbegging the lord aboveto help me forget you
i will tell you this secretthat i can live without youi am so sure i couldand i will prove it to you
now, thoughwhen i see myself from my morning walki keep telling my headthat i can live without youbut i feelthat my heart failsbecause even if i cani dont want to live without you

December 24, 2006
in mga pinag iisipan sa araw-araw
falling away
i bask in the steely morning
of this winter afterglow
drowned during my night's sleep
dreams that come and go
funny thing that dream
trying to catch you
so big you were in it
so little my hands tried to grip
so fast you were running
so tired of just walking
so bright your light was
so dark my surrounding nightlight
i tried so hard to call you
trying every means possible
yet you seem so deaf and distant
my cries never heard that instance
i finally stopped and took a breath
told myself i couldn't do it
told myself i am just a fool
trying to catch
your wind in my chest
i finally watched you walk away
from that dark dark tunnel
realizing that whatever i do
i could never ever catch you.

I want my tears to stop...
I want to be over it in a second
I want to fall away in my bed
Walk away from the pain
And slowly drift back to reality

I want to be plain again
I want to live my life again
I want to be able to wake up again
I want to feel myself again

How could I start it all over again?
How do I survive the pain from within?
How will I ever move on?
Please tell me how will I ever move on...

Tell me how to see myself
In a positive way
Tell me how will I live my life
Knowing I lost the best part of it.