my day today

so hell yeah, its the day after my birthday! and what am i doing?! nursing a headache from drowning my sorrows in a bottle and writing...should still be partying right? fucking boring my life is...

i have a friend with me today, karen, who will sleep here...kasi i wanted her here with me. im not going to drink tonight so im afraid of my own safety. might go insane thinking kaya needed someone to think with...

as you all know, recently, is ive been going through the worst days (weeks) of my life. i feel so alone, so alone in fact that i have to drink before i go to sleep because i could not sleep if im not drunk...takot na nga me baka alkoholik na ako.

ive been trying to cheer myself up naman. you know, like going out with friends, trying to catch up on things that i missed...and reading quite a lot these days. but i dont know, i feel that im just fooling myself. i cant even cry without the juice on me. its like pag normal days, i carry the weight of a ten ton truck in my heart and i cant get it off... i really need help before i kill myself.