i know...i know...

well im so sad today my heart beating hurts!


i just eats me up, this loneliness. sometimes, i wish i could just lay down in bed and drown in my pillows. i get like this, i dont know, about 3 times a day. when im laughing out my sorrows, sometimes i just stop and think, why do i even bother? why do i even bother waking up, showering, putting on my clothes and stepping out of my house... really. why do i?





i get so messed up sometimes...not really thinking but when you pop into my head, i get all fuzzed up.





what do i do?

here i am, after church, enjoying what is little left of my sanity. my faith is strong, but my heart isn't. my coffee and usual sunday paper is what keeps me from jumping into on coming traffic after church.

i pray, not that you'd care, but i pray that whatever HE has intended for me, let it be known in my heart. i want the pain to stop, but to stop only when i learned something from it. i guess i havent learned anything yet because it still hurts like yesterday. like when i saw you walk away. like when i saw that sad look in your eyes telling me that it has to be this way. why does it always have to be this way?





you know you could just, i dont know, just love me. just love me for once. love me like i am not in competition with anyone. love me like im the only girl your heart desires. love me like you truly do.

i know im a dumb son-of-a-b@!$#*.