Sometimes

Dear You,

Hindi ko kasi maintindihan, takot ako. Pinagdaanan ko na lahat ito dati at sinumpa ko na hinding hindi na mangyayari ulit sa akin ito. Although alam ko na ganun ang sitwasyon nya, bukas mata kong pinasok, knowing eventually na maghihiwalay rin kasi. It was the happiest 2 years of my life, simple lang pero napakasaya.

Ako ang nakipaghiwalay, kasi dadating na girlfriend nya. Yung mga araw na yun, leading up to that day, halos hindi namin bitawan ang isat-isa. Lahat ng mga "kunwaring pangarap" namin naglalaho na isa isa. Dumating din ang araw na yun, and as i watched him pick up his last bag and walk down the stairs through the door, nanlambot ako, ni hindi ko nagawang tawagin siya ulit at yakapin for the last time.

Sabi ko sa sarili ko, sige, life goes on.... so after mawala sa ulirat ng isang taon, i started to rebuild my life again. Keeping his memory, our memories in my heart. Everyday they sustain me, at nung nagkaboyfriend ulit ako, alam nya (ung bagong bf) kung gaano ko kamahal (ung ex ko).

Nag tyaga naman siya sa akin, eventually, naging masiyahin ulit ako. Kaso there was always something missing in us. Yung "passion", yung "kilig", yung feeling na sobra kang excited na makita siya. Our conversations were down to formalities, he doesn't even know half of what you know. Hindi nya naririnig ang frustrations, and desires, ang longing at joy. I guess, kasalanan ko na rin yun. Kasi matagal na itong hang-over ko dun sa guy who broke my heart... He really did break my heart. Or should I say I did.

Tapos, you came along. Made me aware na "huy, buhay pa pala ako!". Kasi ako naniniwala (because of my very loving and strong Mom) na you have to find your happiness. The one that makes you wake up everyday knowing na meron something special for you that God has planned. Little things, mga hi's and hello's, masarap na kape, mainit na yakap sa kaibigan... everything has a course. Yung mga bagay na hindi ko akalain na mararamdaman ko pa, naramdaman ko ulit. The giggling, the staying up late, yung mga bagay na sa akin importante. Friendship, respect, attention, care and understanding. It also helped na very in control ka sa buhay mo, lalo na sa trabaho mo. Sobrang proud ako pag dating duon.

Walang conclusion ang letter na ito. Just know na hindi ko sinasadya, hindi natin pinlano, pero hinahayaan nating mangyari. Masaya ulit ako, nagbubuo ulit ng mga pangarap. Alam ko eventually, masisira rin ang mga un. But for the time being, I can hold on to it. To make me feel whole.

Hope you will always be there to take care of me.

I need it. I need you. I want this.

xoxo